Salute to the Sun
by edwart
Summary: Emmett decides that its time to try bonding with Bella again, this time through yoga. But something keeps him from being 'in the zone'. Pure parody.


_Summary: Emmett teaches Bella some simple yoga techniques, but can't seem to keep himself in 'the zone'. _

_I do not in any way own 'Twilight', the characters or anything. This is purely for fun and for entertainment purposes only._

* * *

__BPOV

Yoga. Emmett wanted to teach me yoga. _Me_: uncoordinated Bella.

This would not end well.

"Remember what happened last time you tried to bond with me Emmett? You unnecessarily performed CPR on me and got yourself on the news!"

He laughed.

"Oh yeah. That was a _good_ day."

"No, it was_ not_."

He shrugged.

"Tomato, tomatoes," he said impassively.

"_What_?" I said, confused. He didn't even use the right expression.

"To each their own."

"Why are you saying these things! They make no sense to what we're talking about."

"Whatever floats your boat. Whatever keeps you _off_ the ledge. If you will."

"Oh my_ God_."

* * *

Emmett walking in wearing a silk kimono and gracefully rolled out two yoga mats.

"You know I would have never picked you to be a yoga person, Emmett," I said, watching him set up.

"There is _a lot_ you don't know about me, Bella," he replied, lighting a dozen scented candles. He put a CD into the giant player that sat in the living room and turned the volume up. It was the sound of waves.

"Alright," he said in a quiet serene voice. "We will begin with the 'tree' pose, then the 'cobra', then the 'triangle' and we'll end with the 'half-lotus'."

He instructed me to stand up and tuck one leg up against my opposite thigh, and stretch my arms up above my head, palm to palm.

"Omm," he hummed quietly.

Rosalie and Alice walked through the front door then, returning from their shopping trip with dozens of shopping bags hanging off their arms.

"Ooh, Yoga!" Alice said excitedly.

"_Shh_!" Emmett hushed them, frantically flicking his arm away, gesturing for them to leave us be.

"Okay, Bella," he began, in the same calm voice. "We will now try the cobra pose."

He instructed me to lay down on my stomach, and raise my body up using my arms.

Carlisle and Esme walked in then, returning back from their hunting trip.

"What are you two doing?" Esme asked politely.

"Uh _shh_!" Emmett spluttered. "Bella and I are on a journey to self exploration at the moment."

'Sorry', Esme mouthed as they left the room.

"Okay," Emmett said after a few moments. "Very good. It's now time to try the triangle pose. This is a little more challenging."

Emmett instructed me to stand with both legs apart and reach my arm down to touch the opposite ankle. He then followed suit.

Jasper then burst through the front door, calling out to Alice.

"_SHH_!" Emmett yell-whispered.

"What?" Jasper asked, his eyes taking everything in. "Are you doing more of that yoga junk?"

"Okay, first of all: _yoga_ is not junk. Yoga is a form of self-expression. And secondly: If you don't leave the room and be quiet, I will have to pound on you a little bit."

Jasper rolled his eyes, smiled politely at me and left.

"Jeez," Emmett sighed. "Can we finally get some peace here?" He muttered.

"And now for the half-lotus pose."

Emmett and I sat down and crossed our legs, resting our hands against our knees and closing our eyes.

"Imagine that you are a waterfall," he instructed. I followed suit, although it was strange.

Edward then walked in, shutting the front door a little too loudly for Emmett's liking.

"Hey love," he said, before raising an eyebrow as he noted what we were doing. "Okay, this is interesting."

Emmett sighed very loudly and cocked his head to the side. "How hard is it to be _QUIET_!" He then proceeded to cry out loud in anger, the sound somewhere between that of a drowning cat and Alice when I refuse to shop with her. The noise caused everyone to return to the living room to see what was going on.

"All I wanted was to teach dear Bella here the ways of the serene. And you all couldn't manage to just be quiet!"

"Wow," Jasper interjected. "For a yoga-doer you sure aren't very calm."

Emmett stood, his kimono draping unflatteringly against his legs.

"Next time we'll do our yoga elsewhere," he nodded to everyone calmly.

"Emmett, why don't we go to Charlie's house. We can finish up there if you'd like. He's out."

Emmett looked so happy I thought he would cry. Then I realised that he couldn't.

"Bella, that's so-" he choked out. "Oh, I promised myself I wouldn't break down today!"

* * *

I gave Edward a quick kiss and drove Emmett to Charlie's house. We set up again and resumed the half-lotus pose.

"Do you know the 'salute to the sun' position?" I asked Emmett.

He nodded and proceed to teach me the twelve steps. We practised it a few times, and just as we were both completely calm, Charlie burst through the door, a pizza box in his hands

"Hey kids."

"OH, _FOR CRYING OUT LOUD_!" Emmett yelled.

"Uh…Sorry?" Charlie said, noting all the candles and music.

"Emmett, we could go somewhere else?" I suggested, wanting to reassure him that I was enjoying this, and that his efforts were not going unnoticed.

"Oh, I can't," Emmett sighed apologetically. "I have a rap battle to go to."

"You are a very complex being, aren't you Emmett?" I asked.

* * *

Thoughts? (:


End file.
